Why Boys Should Read: Teaching Empathy Through Books

The information in this article is geared toward boys, but children of any gender will benefit from these reading tips.

It’s no secret that on average boys read less than girls do. And unfortunately this trend is consistent at all stages of life, from elementary school through adulthood.

There are many theories as to why this is. Some evidence suggests that parents (and adults in general) simply don’t use as many words when speaking with young boys, so boys don’t get the same opportunity as girls to develop rich verbal skills while they’re younger. This would naturally make reading more difficult and thus less enjoyable.

Whatever the reasons behind this trend, most educators and parents worry about the effects it has on boys in school, especially as they move on to higher learning where more reading is involved. And while that is a valid concern, males still go on to dominate almost every profitable field after school, so honestly how boys lack of interest in reading affects their academic success is really not at the top of my list of why it’s concerning.

But you know what is? The number one reason why we should care about getting our boys to read more? And particularly why we should encourage them to read fiction books?

Empathy.

People who read more– especially fiction– develop much higher empathy and emotional intelligence (the ability to understand, control, express, and relate to feelings), regardless of their sex. While some people, male and female, are naturally more inclined to understanding emotional intelligence, it’s something that most of us have to work to learn, just like any other skill.

Girls are heavily encouraged to consider other people’s feelings and reactions from a very young age. Couple that with reading lots of narratives with various types of characters, and it’s no surprise that as they get older they develop higher emotional intelligence than most boys do.

This enables many girls to form more, deeper, and more fulfilling relationships than boys usually do, and that matters so much! When boys don’t learn the skills they need to really connect with others (ie: empathy), they feel isolated and lonely. And without emotional intelligence to understand those feelings, they’re left with aggression rising from the hurt.

Is it any wonder that males commit suicide at almost twice the rate as females? Or that men commit violent crime over 3 times as often as women? Or that virtually all mass shooters are male? Without real human connection, life feels a bit pointless.

Now I’m NOT suggesting that boys not reading enough is the source of all their woes. There is SO much more to unpack there that is entirely outside the scope of any single article.

But I am saying that clearly we need to do better with our boys. They don’t deserve to become men who can’t understand such a vital part of the human experience as emotional connection.

And learning empathy is a great place to start! Reading can be an incredible tool to help anyone develop empathy and emotional intelligence, which does help with a lot in the grown-up world.

If your boy learns these empathy skills, he will be more likely to have more real relationships, which leads to a much happier and healthier life– for him and everyone around him. That alone is a good enough reason for me to encourage my kids to read!

What kinds of books should boys read?

You may have noticed that I mentioned fiction books specifically earlier as important ones to read. This is because fictional narratives tend to put you in the characters’ shoes, so to speak, in a way that most non-fiction books simply don’t. The whole point of good fiction is to transport you to different world/time/existence than your own, which is AMAZING for learning to understand others!

Because of this, it’s especially important to allow – and actually encourage – your boys (and girls!) to read books that show perspectives different from theirs.

Have you ever wondered why men (in general) seem to think women are a mystery but women don’t have that problem with men? Girls are constantly exposed to stories about men (whether in books or movies or the classroom) —they’ve had practice their whole lives understanding all kinds of males!

Let’s give our boys that same advantage! Encourage them to read books that feature great female characters! Your boys – and the females in their lives—will thank you.

And the same goes for any other different perspective — race, socioeconomics, education, mental illness, family background, religion, non-religion, etc. Everyone can gain more understanding and empathy for others who aren’t just like them by reading. And in a world where there are so many differences, that can only be a good thing!

Through reading about and understanding different life experiences, your son can become a better friend, leader, and person.

My boy is already older — did I miss the boat on helping him become a reader?

Absolutely not! It’s never too late to get into reading and reap the benefits from it!

I can’t get my boy to read—is there just no hope?

I’m a big believer that anyone who doesn’t enjoy reading just hasn’t found the right book yet. However, I know that a simple platitude isn’t really helpful. 😉

If your child is really resistant to reading, there are other ways to get his feet wet, so to speak.

Read Alouds

Reading aloud to your child is a great way to get them into reading! One of the reasons some boys have given for not enjoying reading is that it’s too solitary (remember, everyone craves real human connection to some degree). Reading to your child gives him the opportunity to experience a story and share it with someone at the same time. Take breaks to discuss any interesting/intense/silly parts so that it’s also an interactive experience. As a bonus, this is a great way to strengthen his relationship with you, too!

Audiobooks

We are in the day and age when you don’t even have to actually read to be a reader! While there is something special about sitting down to read a physical book, there are still tons of benefits to “reading” by listening.

Audiobooks are especially great because you can use them when your kids can’t do much else anyway—when you’re in the car.

Did you know that just over half of American parents spend at least 5 hours driving their kids around each week (I am unfortunately included in that statistic… )? And of that half, a third spend at least 10 hours a week driving their kids to school/activities?!

Use that time for reading! Like reading aloud to your child, listening to books together in the car can be a social experience, too, which helps him associate positive feelings with reading as well as helping him see new perspectives.

Graphic Novels

Graphic novels are a great way to get resistant kids into reading! Don’t think it only counts if your child is reading Charles Dickens novels. Reading is reading. In fact, he’d probably get more benefit out of a graphic novel anyway if it helps him get excited about books and see the world from a new point of view.

I don’t have a lot of money to buy books or time to drive to the library – how am I supposed to provide my boy with these magical books you keep talking about?

Did you know that most libraries let you check out e-books and audiobooks? Yep. Once you have a library card, you don’t even have to set foot in the library to get books! You just go online or use your library’s app on your phone and check out books. And you don’t have to remember to return anything, so you never get stuck with a late fee!

In case you can’t tell, I’m a big fan of this option for getting books, haha!

How do I choose good books for my kids?

There are book lists GALORE out there on the interwebs. Just think of any perspective you’d like to expose your child to and google “children’s books about _____.”

I like to peruse recommendations from A Mighty Girl (great suggestions for boys, too) – they have a ton of lists you can look through.

Common Sense Media also has a lot of book lists as well as reviews for each book.

I want more tips for teaching my child empathy.

Luckily for you, the internet is also teeming with ways to raise empathetic children! Here and here are good places to start if you’d like some guidance.

So there you have it– reading can help boys and girls of any age improve their emotional intelligence and empathy! What is your favorite benefit from reading?